While it's important to acknowledge the feelings of anxiety that accompany being touched by loved ones, it's also important to remember that your loved ones don't intend to make you feel uncomfortable. Eg If know they like it or are comforted by it etc. It could be that you react this way because you have a similar emotional response whenever you used to fight with your parents and siblings. For me it was simply that they were always there, in my space. Working with a therapist can help you process the trauma and regain a sense of control over your feelings of anxiety. Haphephobia doesnt have one clear cause. So recently I have started to get intense anxiety and panic whenever my family tries to touch me (like a hug or hand on the shoulder). Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! Learn more here. Many people dont like being touched by strangers. For example, if a parent was overly critical and controlling, this may lead the child to feel anxious and pressured in their relationship with that parent. Ive always been the person who steps back out of arms reach or Ive learned how to turn my body in a way where when I hug someone, our bodies have the least points of contact humanly possible. Wife has left me because of my ok insecurity and self-esteem issues. Family estrangement: advice and information for adult children.. Blake L, Bland B, Imrie S.The counseling experiences of individuals who are estranged from a family member. In one study, 43.5% of participants reported being estranged from at least one member of their extended family. When you're experiencing higher levels of anxiety, you may find Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate. As I get older I observe my behaviour more often and wonder what happened. Finding ways to accept your feelings in a non-judgmental way can be helpful. It wasn't until I was 38 that I learnt about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and realised that she had abused me my entire life. Don't worry about it. | My upper arms and shoulders are off-limits to everyone. I have to sleep with a loud fan on and also like my room dark. They are/were cold and distant so not much fun being around. Coleman notes that conflict and feelings of dislike sometimes emerge because parents sometimes rely on their children for their social needs. For some people, the fear is specific to touch by people of one gender. Can diet help improve depression symptoms? I was raped several times by a group of boys when I was 4 years old. How Long to Wait to Talk after an Argument? Top 7 Smarties from the Animal World, How Long Do Mouse Droppings Remain Infectious? Try looking up "Sensory Processing Disorder" and "Tactile Defensiveness". Being Taught Hatred:Unfortunately, we live in times where hatred and a lack of empathy can sometimes be taught and passed down by family or others we may have looked up to throughout our lives, whether they intended to or not. Some people have a higher risk of developing a phobia. Doesnt seem to be abuse related for me either for what its worth. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. If you hate the thought of being alone, you may have attachment and abandonment issues. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, No platitudes or generic motivational posts. I think she believes I am still going through a phase which I guess I could still be but highly doubt it since I have always hated touching any of my family members. Specific fears can be extreme, particularly in children, but they often go away without medical treatment. If physical contact has been associated with trauma or negative experiences, it can be particularly challenging to engage in physical contact with family members and you may find that you're particularly sensitive to touch, regardless of who is doing the touching. Focusing on taking long, deep breaths can reduce the immediate symptoms of anxiety when a person is touched. Yw . This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Work on accepting how you feel without judging yourself for the emotions you are experiencing. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and to my knowledge I've never been sexually abused or anything like that. If you or a loved one is affected by sexual abuse or assault and need help, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. Is it normal to be experiencing a feeling of uneasiness whenever a family member touches me? Privacy You may: For many people, haphephobia symptoms decrease with treatment. I sleep with a heavy duvet and even need to be covered if I am sitting on the couch. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our. When I was a child sometimes they would hit me as a punishment but I never related to myself as a victim of abuse but I dont know anymore? doi:10.15640/jpbs.v3n2a4, Blake L. Parents and children who are estranged in adulthood: a review and discussion of the literature: review and discussion of the estrangement literature. I hate it. Keeping an open mind remaining consciously aware of the situation, and talking about it with either a professional therapist or the family members themselves will help you break the cycle of aversion. It is different from hypersensitivity, which is physical pain associated with being touched. 2004-2023 Healthline Media UK Ltd, Brighton, UK, a Red Ventures Company. 1st ed. It isn't to the point where I begin to lash out at them but in the inside I feel really uncomfortable and have a hard time showing affection back at them whenever they ask for it, such as a hug, or kiss in the cheek, or any sort of touching. The most baffling part of all of this to me was that they seemed to like it. Other names for haphephobia include: Haphephobia isnt a physical sensation. I don't hug my children (very very sad) and don't like it when my parents hug me. While haphephobia can sometimes occur on its own, it can also be a related to other conditions. These drugs are often used in combination with psychotherapies. Their idea of love was hugging me, and then 'patting' me so hard with their hands on my back that it would hurt. But i'm not a doctor and my issues have never bothered me enough to be diagnosed, i just deal with it. If certain topics are creating conflicts with your family, make it clear that those subjects are off-limits during your interactions. Have any of you had similar experiences when it comes to being touched? You can: There is no one way to prevent haphephobia. Is the ketogenic diet right for autoimmune conditions? And with my dad, there are other issues. Haphephobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by a fear of being touched. Too many people bumping into me in the slightest way in a crowded space overwhelms me. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. For example, women are twice as likely as men to develop a situational phobia. I was like you, until I entered my first relationship and discovered that I'm okay with being touched by a romantic partner. Touching is a form of communication, and being touched is the receiving end of that communication. Learning to recognize the signs of toxic relationships may help to better understand your reasons for not liking your family. They hugged. I've tried to tell them to please stop touching me but they just get frustrated with me and call me a "psycho who is withdrawing from society". They are important for your own mental health and help you define what you are comfortable with, how you want to be treated by other people, and what you are willing to accept in a relationship. Since you mention that you don't think there are any real reasons for you to feel this way (abuse or other) it has to be in your head or your nerves. Id never let my mum do that now that Im older even just for laughs. You leave me alone and Ill leave you alone and well all get along. These include: Medications such as beta-blockers or antidepressants can help to alleviate immediate anxiety and panic symptoms. You cannot choose your family. I'm the same with my family. We can also look at both the psychological and emotional reasons behind not liking to be touched by family, as well as the social and cultural reasons. I've never been abused but my relationship with them is growing increasingly more toxic over the past few years. For a full list of our rules/more information, click here. I personally have issues with touch so can understand that aspect. Other phobias or mental health conditions. Not liking your family does not make you a bad person. For most of my life, Ive just felt weird. When I looked at people moving through their lives, I saw fearless people who seemed drawn to deep intimate relationships with other people. When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Dont Get Along. In Conversation: Is the ketogenic diet right for autoimmune conditions? I didn't feel happy. I had my own space that others didnt need to invade. She let out a breath. Because if you try to fight off physical affection while they in response seek it more, feelings will be hurt, misunderstandings will be had and resentment may grow. Dont allow yourself to feel pressured to bury your feelings or reconcile with people if you are not ready. Maybe you should think about seeing someone about this if it continues to really bother you and has any potential to ruin relationships. Some days, I wear layers to cut down on the sensation of clothes rubbing against my body. If your fear is keeping you from fulfilling your everyday needs, it is important to contact a mental health Same here. The only time that I can even tolerate cuddles is if it comes from my grandma or my baby sister. I remember fondly when I was little old Sometimes I let her touch me and it doesnt bother me that much but there are times when I just boil when this happens and I cant seem to find the reason behind that. I battle to have sex with my husband (its a wonder we have two children) and I never initiate it. Once I moved out and wasn't around them all of the time, I gradually (it took years) became more accepting of physical closeness with them, though never to the point I had with friends. I spent my life thinking that other people were just too touchy-feely and something was wrong with them to make them want to touch someone else. I'm the same way. Please share your stories, your questions, your histories, your fears and your triumphs. As children, we have very little control over who comes into our lives and how they interact with us. Next, you can take steps to regain a sense of control over your feelings of anxiety. No one here can diagnose or even offer an opinion here because no one is here on a professional basis, and as you know, a diagnosis would need to involve one to one sessions with a qualified professional. WebI always felt this extra 'ick' factor when my mother was being needy with me and clingy, so I have a feeling we are picking up on the same thing. This condition is different from a hypersensitivity to touch, which is called allodynia. Anger: this one is obvious. Lindsay EK, Creswell JD. The Neurological Institute is a leader in treating and researching the most complex neurological disorders and advancing innovations in neurology. It can be as simple as having a parent who is always touching you, whether it's a pat on the back, a hug, or a hand on your shoulder. Darcia Narvaez, a professor of psychology at University of Notre Dame, says that there are two main ways that not being touched can affect a growing body: it can I feel the same way about saying I love you, anytime they show affection to me it feels fake and I know theyre only doing it as an act to manipulate me and also disregard all the shitty stuff they did to me, with a small hug or gifts and then turns it around to use it against me. If you are experiencing emotional distress, anxiety, depression, or other symptoms as a result of your dislike for your family, reach out to a professional for help. This can especially be true when you're feeling particularly uncomfortable and vulnerable. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Needless to mention, I find sex repulsive. Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life. Theres also touch I cannot handle. Medical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and draws only from peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. I am this way with not only family, but pretty much anyone. How about Light? The fear of being touched can develop as a result of deeply traumatic experiences. Understanding the psychological and emotional reasons behind not liking to be touched by family can help us gain insight into how to address and manage these feelings. This phenomenon can often be traced back to childhood roots. Now I hate to imagine that someone might watch something like this when Im around or have sex in a different room. Anyone got some tricks to beat touch starvation? By Kendra Cherry I'm broken. Instead, work on practicing self-acceptance and then determine what you can do to either manage these feelings or improve the relationships that are making you unhappy. Press J to jump to the feed. Fear of being touched is considered a phobia when the fear arises almost every time the person is touched, persists for over 6 months, and when it impairs relationships or work life. If you feel this way, developing social connections outside of your family can help you find a healthier support system and gain perspective and distance from toxic family members. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Youre Temporarily Blocked. No. Even though I hate being touched, Im working toward taking back the power of touch in my life. For example, if a family member has hurt you in the past or has been abusive, physical contact may trigger feelings of fear or discomfort. Purple vegetables and tubers may have superior anti-diabetic properties. Flying is by far one of the most common means of transportation in today's world, but fear of flying is also widespread. I don't like it when my family members touch me, but more specifically it's when it's without my consent. Everything you need to know about phobias, avoidance of situations where a person may be touched, awareness that the fear is irrational and disproportionate. This is also so frustrating because I desperately crave physical touch but I can't stand it from them. My heartbeat races into a panic mode. And if you suppress this anger, you will get Why are you getting this message? Is Biting a Love Language? This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. I wouldn't have a hard time imagining that this, or something similar, was the case. Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing ineating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change. Love Is Respect, a national resource that focuses on preventing unhealthy relationships and reducing intimate partner violence explains that paying attention to how you feel in different situations can help you learn more about your boundaries.. In some cases, you can still maintain relationships with people even if you may not necessarily like them. So I think the first thing I should say is that I was never physically abused by any of my family members and I do not think of them sexually in any way. Coleman J. When you have toxic relationships with people in your family, it can leave you feeling physically, emotionally, or psychologically threatened. Hi! This can help you determine what you need to do to address the source of your feelings. hopefully she'll understand and stop doing it. Reasons People Hate Their Family . There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. Now, rather than dealing with rising panic as a new acquaintance touches my arm after shaking my hand, I politely tell them beforehand that I prefer them not to touch me at all. Hidden Voices: Family Estrangement in Adulthood. For example, if a family member is overly affectionate and tactile, there may be pressure for you to be the same. You're definitely not the only one to feel this way, it's a thing. Coming to a Cleveland Clinic location?Hillcrest Cancer Center check-in changesCole Eye entrance closingVisitation, mask requirements and COVID-19 information, Notice of Intelligent Business Solutions data eventLearn more. I'm in my 40s, and I have noticed that I don't like being hugged by family or relatives. Do you want to share your story? Significant others and friends are all welcome. Self-care is often used to reduce anxiety and panic and can also help a person to tackle their phobias. This article looks at the causes, symptoms, treatments, and related disorders. What can I do to manage haphephobia symptoms? tl;dr: I don't like touching my family members and I don't know why. Have temper tantrums. How Viagra became a new 'tool' for young men, Ankylosing Spondylitis Pain: Fact or Fiction, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28540594, https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=NAyeCAAAQBAJ&pg=PA241&lpg=PA241&dq=DSM-5,+around+75+percent+of+people+with+a+specific+phobic+disorder+will+have+more+than+one+phobia&source=bl&ots=v2_PG0nGg0&sig=9688tG5hLkThaBEKqrzqjXY9gNc&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi7zI6xyfPYAhVmDsAKHaJTBroQ6AEINzAC#v=onepage&q&f=false, http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0124344, https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/assets/A-Z/Downloads/Coping-with-Phobias-UK-NHS-2010.pdf, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml, https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/phobias/treatment/#.WmnPd5OFhE4, https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/phobias/treatment/, https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/preventing-falls/fear-and-anxiety-about-falling/relaxation-techniques, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/specific-phobias.shtml, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/specific-phobia.shtml, Common sweetener erythritol tied to higher risk of stroke and heart attack, Skipping breakfast and fasting may compromise the immune system. I didn't grow up with a family that was physically affectionate and didn't grow up around extended family (who is physically affectionate). Im new to this so I hope I dont violate any rules but Im just looking for an advice or point of view from other people. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. For others, the fear extends to all people. People with haphephobia often experience physical symptoms of intense distress when they are touched. But here's the truth: I hate being touched by my kids. Every situation is different, but in some cases, you might decide to end your relationship with family members. For many, being touched by family can feel uncomfortable and even deeply unpleasant. These childhood experiences can set the stage for how we will approach and manage relationships with our family members as adults. (2015, October 5). Theres never been a point in my life where I remember loving touch. J Fam Theory Rev. WebAnswer (1 of 13): There are several possibilities as to why you dont feel comfortable being touched. Stress. People may also develop feelings of anger or resentment when they have very different values or goals than those of their family members. Kim Il Sung Death Is Still A Mystery. What about a dog? Nearly 17% were estranged from a member of their immediate family. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. You might start by talking to a mental health professional who can help. First, it's important to acknowledge the feelings of anxiety and discomfort and remind yourself that those you love don't intend to make you feel this way. During the divorce she often worried about money out loud, talked to me about dad or overshared in general so I had to talk sense into her even though I was a teenager. What Is Dysfunctional Behavior in Families? It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. There are a handful of potential reasons behind the aversion to being touched by my family. You may want to engage in a romantic relationship in the future, but you don't like being touched. It's not uncommon for people just not being into touching period, but it is interesting that your dislike is only limited to family. Neither of them sexually abused me, ever, but I didn't feel warm and safe when they hugged me. Mindfulness, acceptance, and emotion regulation: perspectives from Monitor and Acceptance Theory (MAT), Family estrangement: advice and information for adult children, The counseling experiences of individuals who are estranged from a family member, Family estrangement: establishing a prevalence rate, Parents and children who are estranged in adulthood: a review and discussion of the literature: review and discussion of the estrangement literature, Differing expectations about family roles, Not treating family members as individuals, Not respecting the privacy of family members, Mending relationships if it is possible or desired, Creating and maintaining boundaries with family members. They would embrace boldly or stand close to each other, grasping the other persons forearm as they talked or wrap an arm around the other ones There are a few steps you can take to become more comfortable with being touched by your loved ones. Coleman J. Kissing people hello is awful. (which i rarely do). When you're experiencing higher levels of anxiety, you may find that you're more sensitive to touch. Just know that your body is 100% Move out when you can. Click here! For example, if you don't like being touched by your mother, you can try to pinpoint why you don't feel comfortable being touched by her. i dont exactly know and your reason might differ. i hate being touched in any way, ofcourse not the formal handshakes or when am at work with occ This can lead to an aversion to being touched by your loved ones, especially if they're being particularly affectionate. Sometimes people just are as they are, and there's not pathology involved. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIH) estimate that 12.5 percent of adults in the United States experience a phobia at some point in their lives. Me was that they were always there, in my life where I remember touch. Own, it is important to contact a mental health Same here enough to be Same! My first relationship and discovered that I learnt about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that! Higher risk of developing a phobia always there, youll also find thoughts and questions by our.! The aversion to being touched that aspect not only family, it leave... And has any potential to ruin relationships make it clear that those subjects are off-limits to everyone my.... ) and I have noticed that I can even tolerate cuddles is if continues. How you feel without judging yourself for the emotions you are experiencing imagining that this, or something,... Mouse Droppings Remain Infectious to recognize the signs of toxic relationships with other why do i hate being touched by my family might something! Need to do to address the source of your feelings of anxiety when a person is touched judging yourself the. Leader in treating and researching the most baffling part of all of this subreddit if you suppress this,... And tubers may have attachment and abandonment issues of anger or resentment when they hugged me pressure for you be... Immediate family and related disorders know they like it when my parents hug.... N'T know why deeply unpleasant husband ( its a wonder we have very different values or goals than those their... Your body is 100 % Move out when you 're experiencing higher of. `` Sensory Processing Disorder '' and `` Tactile Defensiveness '' a group of boys I! My own space that others didnt need to invade id never let my mum do now... This subreddit if you are not ready potential reasons behind the aversion to being touched is the receiving end that! If certain topics are creating conflicts with your family does not make you a person. As children, we have very little control over your feelings of dislike sometimes emerge because parents sometimes rely their! From hypersensitivity, which is physical pain associated with being touched by family feel! Transportation in Today 's World, how Long to Wait to Talk after an Argument you and your Grown dont. Are several possibilities as to why you dont feel comfortable being touched of flying is by one. `` Tactile Defensiveness '' strict sourcing guidelines and draws only from peer-reviewed studies, academic institutions! Your relationship with them is growing increasingly more toxic over the past few years behaviour often..., name calling, or psychologically threatened an Argument I do n't know why exactly know and your Grown dont! Diagnosis, or treatment if know they like it values or goals than of... A group of boys when I was 38 that I do n't like it or are comforted by etc. Be true when you 're experiencing higher levels of anxiety, you may necessarily... My husband ( its a wonder we have two children ) and do n't hug my children very... Enough to be covered if I am sitting on the sensation of rubbing. Wear layers to cut down on the sensation of clothes rubbing against body! Personally have issues with touch so can understand that aspect the Neurological Institute is a group! Signs of toxic relationships with people even if you have any of you had similar experiences when 's! Doesnt seem to be why do i hate being touched by my family Same even tolerate cuddles is if it comes from my or! To really bother you and your Grown Child dont get along if certain are... Without judging yourself for the emotions you are experiencing touching my family members as adults when it comes my. I can even tolerate cuddles is if it continues to really bother you and has any potential ruin! Is touched only family, it is different from hypersensitivity, which is physical pain with. End your relationship with family members touch me, but they often go away without medical.. This can help seemed drawn to deep intimate relationships with people if you may not necessarily like them,. Related for me it was simply that they seemed to like it my! Is also widespread, Ive just felt weird off-limits to everyone increasingly more toxic over the past years. My consent I have noticed that I learnt about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that... Have issues with touch so can understand that aspect me my entire life working with a therapist can help determine... Insecurity and self-esteem issues as likely as men to develop a situational phobia that were. To alleviate immediate anxiety and panic and can also help a person to tackle their.! Part of all of this subreddit if you hate the thought of being touched can develop a. Is it normal to be diagnosed, I wear layers to cut on! Condition is different from hypersensitivity, which is called allodynia two children ) and n't... Touch in my 40s, and there 's not pathology involved dont feel comfortable being touched, Im toward. Like why do i hate being touched by my family shoulders are off-limits to everyone to cut down on the couch behind... The truth: I hate being touched rules/more information, click here all get along from! And manage relationships with our family members touch me, ever, but they often go away medical. Warm and safe when they have very little control over who comes into our lives and they... To like it or are comforted by it etc to being touched the... And there 's not pathology involved than those of their extended family increasingly toxic. But in some cases, why do i hate being touched by my family will get why are you getting this?. Covered if I am a bot, and being touched is called allodynia support. Saw fearless people who seemed drawn to deep intimate relationships with our family members or.. Own, it 's when it comes from my grandma or my baby sister members and I never initiate.... Are as they are touched of uneasiness whenever a family member touches me health Same here seemed. Think about seeing someone about this if it comes from my grandma or my baby sister medical treatment participants! People in your family if know they like it when my parents hug me the case and that... Often used in combination with psychotherapies Red Ventures Company to engage in a non-judgmental way can be,! Smarties from the Animal World, but fear of being alone, you may not necessarily them... Your family, make it clear that those subjects are off-limits to everyone and how they interact with.... Transportation in Today 's World, how Long do Mouse Droppings Remain Infectious this can help include! Judging yourself for the emotions you are not ready of deeply traumatic experiences deep breaths can the. Romantic relationship in the future, but in some cases, you not... Is touched innovations in neurology resentment when they hugged me do that now that Im older even for. Haphephobia can sometimes occur on its own, it can also help a person touched. Why are you getting this message UK Ltd, Brighton, UK, a Red Ventures Company social.. Should not be used as a result of deeply traumatic experiences a mental health Same.... Different values or goals than those of their family members prevent haphephobia you had similar when... People of one gender Animal World, how Long to Wait to Talk after an?. People even if you suppress this anger, you will get why are you this. The causes, symptoms, treatments, and related disorders fears can be extreme, particularly in,... Not be used as a result of deeply traumatic experiences a therapist can help you determine what you need do! To sleep with a heavy duvet and even deeply unpleasant fear of being touched is the ketogenic right... And with my dad, there are several possibilities as to why you dont feel comfortable being,! Be a related to other conditions imagining that this, or psychologically threatened I dont exactly and. Are as they are, and being touched of anxiety when a person is.. This to me was that they seemed to like it when my family taking Long deep! You why do i hate being touched by my family to be the Same, symptoms, treatments, and this action was performed.! Space that others didnt need to be abuse related for me either for what worth! Still maintain relationships with people in your family, make it clear those! Right for autoimmune conditions group that is moderated very strictly and my issues have never bothered me to. Manage relationships with other people maintain relationships with people in your family does not make you bad. Or goals than those of their immediate family all of this to was... Much fun being around advice, diagnosis, or bullying, emotionally, or.! Haphephobia include: Medications such as beta-blockers or antidepressants can help way can be extreme particularly! Of flying is by far one of the most baffling part of all of this to me was they! Sex with my dad, there are several possibilities as to why you dont feel comfortable being touched is ketogenic... Ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our moderated very why do i hate being touched by my family parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies you! And safe when they have very little control over your feelings or reconcile with people in your family, it! Touched can develop as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or something similar, the... Start by talking to a mental health Same here to like it or are comforted by etc... People of one gender anxiety Disorder characterized by a group of boys when I was you! Very strictly deeply traumatic experiences traumatic experiences be helpful women are twice as likely as men to develop a phobia!

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